The Grrrls Guide to Moving Cross Country
12/8/03 Monday, Salt Lake City:
Though the idea of schlepping a free Staples’ paper clip dispenser across the country is a bit tiresome, that's what I'm contemplating: do I bring along those little things that take up space, or do I replace all my junk once I reach my destination? I have a compact car, an apartment full of stuff and enough money to make it to North Carolina before Christmas.
I arrived in Utah a year after college graduation. I was aimlessly driving from Michigan to California, when I stopped by Salt Lake City for a night, liked it, and stayed.
I stayed for four years, vowing I would leave “when the time was right.” I knew Salt Lake City wasn’t for me. I knew I belonged east of the Mississippi River. But still I stuck around. I had a decent job, and well, you can’t leave a decent job in a bad economy. Then I lost my job.
When you decide to leave a place, people barrage you with stupid cliches like, "the grass is always greener on the other side." Well, the grass is greener in North Carolina than it is in Utah. Utah is a desert. Sometimes, it's healthy to leave, to see new things and to explore a new place. Stagnation and staying in a rut are bad for you. Change is good.
I believe that moving cross‑country keeps your brain fresh. It opens up new channels; it's protective. Nothing is more damaging to the brain than a life without challenges. I would guess that traveling and moving frequently reduce the risk of Alzheimer's.
If you've built a well‑balanced life somewhere, if you have a large social network of family and friends, if you're happy, then don't leave. But if it's time to go, it's time to go.
I am a cliche Virgo. Virgos tend to obsess on details, and forget the big picture. Currently I’m obsessed with closing up my Salt Lake life, but I haven’t even begun to think about starting a life in North Carolina. I think I’m going to drive to Raleigh, but I’m not sure. I haven’t thought much about the drive. I haven’t looked closely at a map.
I don't know what I'll do when I get there.
I could never be an event planner because I never consider problems down the road. I focus on one big project at a time. I’m focused on packing. Once I’m on the road, I will be focused on travel. Next, I will focus on exploring and settling in North Carolina. I tackle problems as they come.
I have way too much stuff. I need to organize and throw stuff out. I want to get rid of about two-thirds of my stuff. Which of my possessions are most important to me?
Everything I keep has to fit into my Kia Sephia. I've already mailed a giant box of clothes and my bike to my parents in Michigan. Everything else will get thrown out, be sold or donated. When you pack to move your personal possessions fit into four major categories:
1) Essentials that you use almost every day. Hair dryers, toiletries, lotion; your favorite long‑sleeved comfy shirt.
2) Practical items that you use occasionally, like a favorite dress or a favorite piece of jewelry.
3) Other items you know you will need at some point, but don't use as much. This includes an interview suit, a holiday dress or clothing that is out of season.
4) Everything else! All that JUNK that you don't use!!! THROW IT OUT!
Right now I'm sorting through all of my belongings, finding, among other things, twenty-five stuffed animals, thirty-seven eye shadow compacts, notebooks from a class I took three years ago, my ubiquitous mattress cover, five nail clippers and my broken down computer. I’m paring down my stuff to fit it all into my teensy Kia Sephia. I've said goodbye to my friends. It's time to move on.
I'm leaving this Friday. Not only is it the middle of winter, but it’s right before Christmas. People always look at you funny when they don't understand the reasoning behind your plans. They don’t like it when they can't 'get' you, when they can't pigeonhole you into a concise category. I just make up a story so they don’t think I’m crazy.
Destination: North Carolina. I have no job, no place to live, and no friends in North Carolina. I'm not suggesting that anybody else pack up all their belongings and move cross‑country. My particular mix of dissatisfaction, restlessness and whimsicalness is nothing like yours.
I’m hoping your life situation is nothing like mine. If so, I’m impressed you’ve survived so long. Regardless, I'll share a bit of practical travel advice. This advice has helped me move several times in my lifetime, whether I was moving for college, for a summer job, or, like I’m doing now, moving blindly across the country.
1) Invariably, a few days before you leave, you will meet the man (or woman) of your dreams. Avoid him! It's a trap, and if you do stay, the relationship will NOT last! You will stick around town, only to resent this boy (or girl) in a few weeks. Don't fall into this trap!!!
2) Get together one last time with all of the friends and family whom you are leaving. People love you the most when you are leaving, and they will make you feel guilty for leaving them behind. People who usually take you for granted will get all drippy eyed. Ignore it! Only your really close friends and family will truly miss you. Everybody else is just jealous.
3) Get an AAA card and a cell phone. With these two things and cannister of mace, you can get yourself out of most difficult situations. Make sure all of your utility bills, prescriptions, and doctor visits are current. Have health insurance coverage. Have you car looked at by a mechanic. Update your resume. Cancel memberships to gyms, churches, and clubs. Return library books. Be honest to yourself about your financial situation. Deal with your furniture, pets, boyfriends, and children.
4) Don’t over-plan your travels. If you are flexible, you might pleasantly surprised at what you find. The people who get most disappointed in life are the ones who have the highest expectations. I try to have low expectations, so that I can get excited about small things, such as finding a comfortable diner with big cushy booths and crispy fries.
5) And finally, while you are driving, listen to your thoughts as they slow and become audible. Listen to what your soul is trying to telling you. Observe the mountains and the rivers and the cows and the rows of corn. Think. When you are driving, not on those busy inner‑city highways, but on those long two-lane country roads, alone or behind a slow mobile home, calm your mind. Find meditation between those yellow lines. And, please, try to stay awake.
A list of things you should try to take care of before you move away from a city:
· Talk to all of your utility companies and companies that bill you. All of them. Gas, electric, phone, cell phone, DSL, long distance, water/sewer/trash, credit cards... Give them all a forwarding address and a shut-off date.
· Prescriptions- stock up on the essentials, like birth control, antihistamines, heartburn or arthritis medication; all of that stuff that you will need regularly.
· Take care of all those last appointments: doctor, dentist, gynecologist, eye doctor. See if you can get referrals to doctors in your new city.
· Make sure you have health insurance coverage for the trip, and thereafter.
· Have your car checked by someone you trust.
· Do you have somebody who can store some of your stuff? Do you need to rent a storage shed? I was lucky: I’ve been working part time for a shipping company, so I got to ship my bike and a bunch of my clothes to my mom for cheap.
· Moving vans? Call around. Don’t let anybody take advantage of you.
· Is your resume updated?
· Get a cell phone. I have to call my mom every night on this trip, and she’ll call me back at the hotel I’m staying in. I will call her every night, and let her know how far I’m driving. If something happens, she’ll at least have an idea where I’m at.
· Cancel all your memberships: gym, church, clubs etc.
· Return library books
· Consolidate your debts, so you are clear about your financial situation.
· Deal with your furniture, pets, boyfriends, children, etc.
12/10/03 Wednesday, Salt Lake City:
Yesterday I packed up the rest of my apartment. I’m ready to shove all of my stuff into my car, and go. I am hungover! Glad I organized all this stuff yesterday. It takes too long to organize!
Picking up and leaving was a hell of a lot easier when I was 17 or 21. Hell of a lot easier. You have a less-formed brain at a younger age; less of a comfortable routine established.
When my life is in limbo like right now, I don’t have my usual level of confidence. I feel aimless and insecure. I lose some of the usual external confidence I get from a job. The remedy for that is to harvest some artificial confidence, to invent a goal or a purpose, so that you don’t feel like a little leaf floating across the country. Having a purpose keeps you strong, focused and driven. If you still don’t feel confident? Then fake it! Fake it. As the cliché goes, Fake it until you make it.
12/11/03 Thursday, Salt Lake City:
I’m leaving tomorrow! It’s much harder to move this time than it ever was before. I’m older, and more attached to the place, than I ever was in Houston or Michigan or Montana, other places where I’ve lived. I'll miss my gym! I have a favorite movie theater, a favorite bar, a favorite coffee shop and friends to say goodbye to. Plus, I gave away my cat! [side note, a year later my cat was mailed to me in Raleigh] In the past few days, I’ve sold all the furniture I’m going to sell. I’m down to just a few pieces, which I’m leaving in the apartment for my poor landlord to deal with. I still have my computer desk, a ratty cat-scratched couch, a couple of yard chairs, and 2 five-foot-tall shelving units.
I managed to sell both of my beds and some of my other furniture. My friend Scott called me last night and said, “stop your worrying! I’ve sold your bed!” Afterward, a lady came over and bought my futon. Then, I sold my bistro table, my kitchen table, and a few lamps.
All I have to do before I leave is: pack my computer in my car, talk to my landlord, pack the rest of my stuff in my car, and leave. Oh, and I should go out and get drunk with some of my friends. That’s always essential.
***
On the first day of an extremely long road trip, what time is the best time to leave? Is it better to get up at the crack of dawn, and leave at 6:00 a.m., or is it better to wait until you are awake and ready to go, and leave at more like 9:00 a.m.? You should coordinate your driving times. Do you want to avoid rush-hour?
I don’t plan until I am on the road. I don’t call ahead for hotels. My only plan for this trip is to drive to Provo, which is 40 miles south of Salt Lake. Once I hit Provo, I’ll look at my map, and plan the rest of my route. If I were traveling during a specific holiday season like Labor Day, it would be hard to find cheap hotel rooms. In early December, it shouldn’t be that tough.
If you need a room, it’s best to start looking by 5:00 p.m. or so. Just in case there’s a convention in town and you have to move down the road. You’ve got to watch out for things like that. If you stick to hotels in small towns, or in a suburb outside of a big town, you will be safer.
The most important thing for a long trip like this is that you can’t over-plan. It’s best to be flexible so you can be pleasantly surprised at what you find. The people who get most disappointed in life are the ones who have the highest expectations. If I were to expect some New Year’s Eve to be the best night ever, I would probably have a horrible time. I try to have low expectations, so that I can get excited about small things, such as finding a good movie theater or coffee shop on the road, or a comfortable diner with big cushy booths and greasy fries.
I talked to my mother, and she requested that I drive south from Salt Lake to Albuquerque, so that I get south of the big winter storms. She doesn’t want me to drive on Hwy. 70 through Denver. This detour through Albuquerque will add almost 400 extra miles to my trip, but it’ll be worth it.
I’m still looking through my stuff. Should I take my Tide? My mini-vacuum cleaner?
Friends are giving me a guilt-trip about leaving. My cat is giving me a guilt-trip, too. Every time I visit Fang over at Scott's house, he sits in my lap and cries. Hopefully, I’ll get a few hundred miles tomorrow; I’ll try to get as far as Cortez, Colorado. That city is about 350 miles from here, a straight-shoot south.
12/12/03 Friday, Price, Utah
I am half-way to Moab! After Moab, just another 100 miles to Cortez.
Leaving Salt Lake was easy. My landlord Bart showed up at my apartment. I gave him back the apartment keys. Bart made me promise to call him every day. “Call me until you hit Amarillo. That’s your half-way point. After that, you’re out of my territory.” Actually Oklahoma City is my half-way point, but I didn’t argue. I gave him a big hug goodbye, and promised to call him daily.
Scott was more difficult to deal with. I called him at 9:00 a.m., "I'm leaving."
"Oh."
I drove to his house. We went to the bagel shop next door and I ate a bagel with cream cheese, even though I knew it that would give me a stomachache.
Then I said goodbye. I hugged my cat Fang for the last time. Fang looked at me in that smart way, like he knew. Scott walked me out to my car. He kept trying to hug me, and then he snapped a horrible photo of me, with my hair pulled back, not fixed at all, and no make-up on my face. We hugged again and I was off.
Cortez, Colorado
There are certain things I should avoid in hotel rooms, like running around the room naked when the front curtains are open. It is cold as shit here. It must be less than 10 degrees. Why would anyone want to live in a cold and desolate place like Cortez, Colorado?
My head is spinning. I purposefully chose a Comfort Inn, because they have gyms. I think I’m going to work out in the gym, and then sit in the hot tub for awhile. I’m afraid I’m approaching this road trip with too many hangups, like, gotta hit the gym, etc. How can you have a true adventure if you’re worrying about so many things? Running on a treadmill isn’t too adventurous of an activity. Why am I worrying about my weight? I’ll be settled in Raleigh, soon enough. While I’m on the road, I should have fun.
***
I feel like a spoiled brat staying at a nice hotel instead of a hostel. Instead of being an open-minded traveler, I’m more like a picky American tourist who wants a hotel with all of the amenities: fitness room, hot tub, comfy room with cable.
I could either be a picky tourist who stays in nice hotels, carries an AAA card and cell phone, and eats dinner in a nice restaurant, or I could be a thrifty adventurer who stays in hostels or campgrounds or sleeps in her car, eats at the downtown bar, and tears up the town.
If it weren’t only 10 degrees outside, I’d go outside to run and explore the town.
12/20/03 Saturday, Raleigh, NC:
If I could be anywhere in the world, I’d be in San Francisco or Ireland. Or maybe the Swiss Alps. Sunny beaches and castles and ski resorts are always nice. In my fantasies, even a cold igloo in Alaska, a tiny yurt in the mountains, or a mud hut in Mexico would be decent. Any place would be better than Raleigh.
Raleigh appeared to be a great destination eight days ago, when I was in Salt Lake City, Utah, which is 2,450 miles away. Raleigh seemed to have several good features: it is a cosmopolitan area, the cost of living is pretty low, the economy is decent, it’s close to mountains and the ocean, and most of my family are only a day’s drive away. Plus, the temperature in Raleigh is pretty moderate.
Today I will decide if I’m going to stay.
My eight days on the road were fun. Nashville, TN was amazing. I met tons of people, partied, and two-stepped with a guy in a cowboy hat. I sat in the audience of CMT’s Most Wanted Live, in the front row. That show will be aired on television tonight.
I could have stayed in Nashville. I had fun in Nashville. Tthere were plenty of jobs in Nashville. All of my belongings are still in my car, and it doesn’t matter where I move. Still I drove to Raleigh.
Now, it is noon. I am sitting in a coffee shop in Raleigh. This morning I wandered around, trying to decide if this would be a good place to live. The whole time I was exploring, I was comparing the area to Nashville— would Raleigh or Nashville be a better place for me? The Glenwood south area of Raleigh seemed nice. The university area seemed nice, too. But the rest of Raleigh seemed like a big, fat, colorless suburb.
It's 20 degrees today. So much for the moderate temperatures! As I walked around in my winter coat and my sweat pants, exploring, I thought about fate, specifically,"being in the right place at the right time." Is it fate, chance, coincidence, or nothing at all when you run into a choice person, who just happens to tell you a piece of information you're missing? Or is it merely detective work, and you'll find what you're looking for eventually, regardless? Is it all chance? Odds? Rolling the dice?
As I walked, I could feel my energy pulling toward certain streets and away from others. Have you ever felt that? Have you ever felt like you were supposed to walk in a particular direction? Have you ever wondered if there was something more to that magnetic push‑pull you feel on these walks? Like a higher power might want you to walk in certain directions and go to certain places?
You can only profit from an opportunity if you hear about it. You have to be in the right place to hear about it. So, wouldn’t it make sense that some sort of fate, a force, or an unconscious psychic draw might pull you toward the places that will give you the best life opportunities? You must be in tune with that force.
Smart, driven, focused people in this country naturally flock to certain areas, and the rest go elsewhere. Raleigh is full of smart people from lots of different cultures. Nashville was full of white people wearing cowboy hats.
Nashville had several good points. It was an easy-to-navigate city, unlike Raleigh, where the traffic is horrible. Raleigh has scattered vibes. Nashville seemed more like a real city, with a real downtown. The Nashville area seemed quite welcoming to newcomers. In Nashville, you can meet famous country singers in the streets.
What is Nashville, outside of the glam? Are there neighborhoods? Hip areas? What is the rest of the town like? After two days in Nashville, I couldn’t answer that question. I only explored Music Row.
If I lived in Nashville, the fun would grow old after a few months. Extreme fun is like a drug, and after I adapted to the drug, I’d feel an emptiness, and I wouldn’t know how to satisfy it.
No matter where I live, I will eventually feel empty.
I’m almost out of money. Quickly, I have to go find a place to live, and a job, and maybe some friends, but— what if I’m too wild for this town? In this coffee shop, people are chatting quietly, and they are extremely buttoned-down. What do they do for fun? Fun doesn’t seem to be a priority, here. These people are very serious. Will I find a place to let go? Will I experience wild abandonment and craziness and a lack of worries like I did in Nashville?
In Raleigh, I don’t feel objectified, as a woman. People speak to me as if I’m a person of worth, and not just a “pretty lady.” People ask me what I do for a living. In both Nashville and Utah, I felt like just a “pretty lady.”
I want to find a wild bar, tonight. I want to see passion, energy, excitement, and people dancing on tables. Maybe there’s something in the Carolina air that makes people feel smarter. I couldn’t imagine anyone doing something silly in this town, like showing up at a bar in goofy vintage dress and cowboy boots. But perhaps I’m judging this area too quickly. You can’t know what a city is like, what all of its people are like, after one day of exploration.
Narrowing between these two cities is like dating two men. It’s hard to focus on just one until you choose just one. I’m looking for a more fulfilling life. I need more culture and fewer bars. I’m more likely to find fulfillment in Raleigh. I’d have more drinking buddies in Nashville, but I’d find real friends in Raleigh. No matter where I move, I’m going to miss out on something. Whenever you make choices in life, you cut out other possibilities. North Carolina seems like a hard place to start over. What do I do? Where do I stay?
I think I’ll stay in Raleigh. If I truly wanted to live in Nashville, I would have stayed there. I believe there’s a reason I left Nashville, even though I’m still not sure why.
Eventually the road trip has to end.
Two days later:
I’m staying in Raleigh. No Nashville. I am currently lying on the floor of my new room, buried in blankets because I don't yet have a bed.
Starting a new life is much less complicated than closing up an old life. It took me almost two weeks to pack up my old life, and stuff it into my car. It only took me only an hour to unpack my car, and move into this new room.
The human spirit is strong... strong enough to fight cancer, strong enough to live after a spouse dies, strong enough to move across oceans and countries. My particular feat, moving across the country with a AAA card, a cell phone, McDonald's and the Comfort Inn, was comparatively easy. However, leaving the people you care about is tough. Leaving is tough. Change is tough.
Traveling is a journey into the self. Through experiences you have, you will discover sides of yourself that were previously dormant. In Nashville, I discovered my wild and uninhibited side. In Cortez, Colo., I felt shy and uncomfortable. In Albuquerque, I felt mellow and peaceful. Once I got to Raleigh, I had to run by my wits to get myself situated. I never would have experienced all of this if I had stayed in Utah. When something is taken from you, other sides grow stronger. Adapting to Raleigh isn’t easy, but, I’ll manage.
It’s time for me to get the rest of my life in order. I am in a fairly comfortable living situation— I’m renting a room in a house. The other people who live here seem nice.
I’ve now been in North Carolina for four whole days! For some reason, time seems to be moving very quickly. Pretty soon, I’ll have a job, and life will become normal again, even monotonous. Then, I’ll get married and have 37 kids. Ha! Life isn’t, and then it is. Pretty magical! Yawn. [side note - the kids didn't happen! Nor did the marriage. But settled, yeah, pretty settled.]
12/8/03 Monday, Salt Lake City:
Though the idea of schlepping a free Staples’ paper clip dispenser across the country is a bit tiresome, that's what I'm contemplating: do I bring along those little things that take up space, or do I replace all my junk once I reach my destination? I have a compact car, an apartment full of stuff and enough money to make it to North Carolina before Christmas.
I arrived in Utah a year after college graduation. I was aimlessly driving from Michigan to California, when I stopped by Salt Lake City for a night, liked it, and stayed.
I stayed for four years, vowing I would leave “when the time was right.” I knew Salt Lake City wasn’t for me. I knew I belonged east of the Mississippi River. But still I stuck around. I had a decent job, and well, you can’t leave a decent job in a bad economy. Then I lost my job.
When you decide to leave a place, people barrage you with stupid cliches like, "the grass is always greener on the other side." Well, the grass is greener in North Carolina than it is in Utah. Utah is a desert. Sometimes, it's healthy to leave, to see new things and to explore a new place. Stagnation and staying in a rut are bad for you. Change is good.
I believe that moving cross‑country keeps your brain fresh. It opens up new channels; it's protective. Nothing is more damaging to the brain than a life without challenges. I would guess that traveling and moving frequently reduce the risk of Alzheimer's.
If you've built a well‑balanced life somewhere, if you have a large social network of family and friends, if you're happy, then don't leave. But if it's time to go, it's time to go.
I am a cliche Virgo. Virgos tend to obsess on details, and forget the big picture. Currently I’m obsessed with closing up my Salt Lake life, but I haven’t even begun to think about starting a life in North Carolina. I think I’m going to drive to Raleigh, but I’m not sure. I haven’t thought much about the drive. I haven’t looked closely at a map.
I don't know what I'll do when I get there.
I could never be an event planner because I never consider problems down the road. I focus on one big project at a time. I’m focused on packing. Once I’m on the road, I will be focused on travel. Next, I will focus on exploring and settling in North Carolina. I tackle problems as they come.
I have way too much stuff. I need to organize and throw stuff out. I want to get rid of about two-thirds of my stuff. Which of my possessions are most important to me?
Everything I keep has to fit into my Kia Sephia. I've already mailed a giant box of clothes and my bike to my parents in Michigan. Everything else will get thrown out, be sold or donated. When you pack to move your personal possessions fit into four major categories:
1) Essentials that you use almost every day. Hair dryers, toiletries, lotion; your favorite long‑sleeved comfy shirt.
2) Practical items that you use occasionally, like a favorite dress or a favorite piece of jewelry.
3) Other items you know you will need at some point, but don't use as much. This includes an interview suit, a holiday dress or clothing that is out of season.
4) Everything else! All that JUNK that you don't use!!! THROW IT OUT!
Right now I'm sorting through all of my belongings, finding, among other things, twenty-five stuffed animals, thirty-seven eye shadow compacts, notebooks from a class I took three years ago, my ubiquitous mattress cover, five nail clippers and my broken down computer. I’m paring down my stuff to fit it all into my teensy Kia Sephia. I've said goodbye to my friends. It's time to move on.
I'm leaving this Friday. Not only is it the middle of winter, but it’s right before Christmas. People always look at you funny when they don't understand the reasoning behind your plans. They don’t like it when they can't 'get' you, when they can't pigeonhole you into a concise category. I just make up a story so they don’t think I’m crazy.
Destination: North Carolina. I have no job, no place to live, and no friends in North Carolina. I'm not suggesting that anybody else pack up all their belongings and move cross‑country. My particular mix of dissatisfaction, restlessness and whimsicalness is nothing like yours.
I’m hoping your life situation is nothing like mine. If so, I’m impressed you’ve survived so long. Regardless, I'll share a bit of practical travel advice. This advice has helped me move several times in my lifetime, whether I was moving for college, for a summer job, or, like I’m doing now, moving blindly across the country.
1) Invariably, a few days before you leave, you will meet the man (or woman) of your dreams. Avoid him! It's a trap, and if you do stay, the relationship will NOT last! You will stick around town, only to resent this boy (or girl) in a few weeks. Don't fall into this trap!!!
2) Get together one last time with all of the friends and family whom you are leaving. People love you the most when you are leaving, and they will make you feel guilty for leaving them behind. People who usually take you for granted will get all drippy eyed. Ignore it! Only your really close friends and family will truly miss you. Everybody else is just jealous.
3) Get an AAA card and a cell phone. With these two things and cannister of mace, you can get yourself out of most difficult situations. Make sure all of your utility bills, prescriptions, and doctor visits are current. Have health insurance coverage. Have you car looked at by a mechanic. Update your resume. Cancel memberships to gyms, churches, and clubs. Return library books. Be honest to yourself about your financial situation. Deal with your furniture, pets, boyfriends, and children.
4) Don’t over-plan your travels. If you are flexible, you might pleasantly surprised at what you find. The people who get most disappointed in life are the ones who have the highest expectations. I try to have low expectations, so that I can get excited about small things, such as finding a comfortable diner with big cushy booths and crispy fries.
5) And finally, while you are driving, listen to your thoughts as they slow and become audible. Listen to what your soul is trying to telling you. Observe the mountains and the rivers and the cows and the rows of corn. Think. When you are driving, not on those busy inner‑city highways, but on those long two-lane country roads, alone or behind a slow mobile home, calm your mind. Find meditation between those yellow lines. And, please, try to stay awake.
A list of things you should try to take care of before you move away from a city:
· Talk to all of your utility companies and companies that bill you. All of them. Gas, electric, phone, cell phone, DSL, long distance, water/sewer/trash, credit cards... Give them all a forwarding address and a shut-off date.
· Prescriptions- stock up on the essentials, like birth control, antihistamines, heartburn or arthritis medication; all of that stuff that you will need regularly.
· Take care of all those last appointments: doctor, dentist, gynecologist, eye doctor. See if you can get referrals to doctors in your new city.
· Make sure you have health insurance coverage for the trip, and thereafter.
· Have your car checked by someone you trust.
· Do you have somebody who can store some of your stuff? Do you need to rent a storage shed? I was lucky: I’ve been working part time for a shipping company, so I got to ship my bike and a bunch of my clothes to my mom for cheap.
· Moving vans? Call around. Don’t let anybody take advantage of you.
· Is your resume updated?
· Get a cell phone. I have to call my mom every night on this trip, and she’ll call me back at the hotel I’m staying in. I will call her every night, and let her know how far I’m driving. If something happens, she’ll at least have an idea where I’m at.
· Cancel all your memberships: gym, church, clubs etc.
· Return library books
· Consolidate your debts, so you are clear about your financial situation.
· Deal with your furniture, pets, boyfriends, children, etc.
12/10/03 Wednesday, Salt Lake City:
Yesterday I packed up the rest of my apartment. I’m ready to shove all of my stuff into my car, and go. I am hungover! Glad I organized all this stuff yesterday. It takes too long to organize!
Picking up and leaving was a hell of a lot easier when I was 17 or 21. Hell of a lot easier. You have a less-formed brain at a younger age; less of a comfortable routine established.
When my life is in limbo like right now, I don’t have my usual level of confidence. I feel aimless and insecure. I lose some of the usual external confidence I get from a job. The remedy for that is to harvest some artificial confidence, to invent a goal or a purpose, so that you don’t feel like a little leaf floating across the country. Having a purpose keeps you strong, focused and driven. If you still don’t feel confident? Then fake it! Fake it. As the cliché goes, Fake it until you make it.
12/11/03 Thursday, Salt Lake City:
I’m leaving tomorrow! It’s much harder to move this time than it ever was before. I’m older, and more attached to the place, than I ever was in Houston or Michigan or Montana, other places where I’ve lived. I'll miss my gym! I have a favorite movie theater, a favorite bar, a favorite coffee shop and friends to say goodbye to. Plus, I gave away my cat! [side note, a year later my cat was mailed to me in Raleigh] In the past few days, I’ve sold all the furniture I’m going to sell. I’m down to just a few pieces, which I’m leaving in the apartment for my poor landlord to deal with. I still have my computer desk, a ratty cat-scratched couch, a couple of yard chairs, and 2 five-foot-tall shelving units.
I managed to sell both of my beds and some of my other furniture. My friend Scott called me last night and said, “stop your worrying! I’ve sold your bed!” Afterward, a lady came over and bought my futon. Then, I sold my bistro table, my kitchen table, and a few lamps.
All I have to do before I leave is: pack my computer in my car, talk to my landlord, pack the rest of my stuff in my car, and leave. Oh, and I should go out and get drunk with some of my friends. That’s always essential.
***
On the first day of an extremely long road trip, what time is the best time to leave? Is it better to get up at the crack of dawn, and leave at 6:00 a.m., or is it better to wait until you are awake and ready to go, and leave at more like 9:00 a.m.? You should coordinate your driving times. Do you want to avoid rush-hour?
I don’t plan until I am on the road. I don’t call ahead for hotels. My only plan for this trip is to drive to Provo, which is 40 miles south of Salt Lake. Once I hit Provo, I’ll look at my map, and plan the rest of my route. If I were traveling during a specific holiday season like Labor Day, it would be hard to find cheap hotel rooms. In early December, it shouldn’t be that tough.
If you need a room, it’s best to start looking by 5:00 p.m. or so. Just in case there’s a convention in town and you have to move down the road. You’ve got to watch out for things like that. If you stick to hotels in small towns, or in a suburb outside of a big town, you will be safer.
The most important thing for a long trip like this is that you can’t over-plan. It’s best to be flexible so you can be pleasantly surprised at what you find. The people who get most disappointed in life are the ones who have the highest expectations. If I were to expect some New Year’s Eve to be the best night ever, I would probably have a horrible time. I try to have low expectations, so that I can get excited about small things, such as finding a good movie theater or coffee shop on the road, or a comfortable diner with big cushy booths and greasy fries.
I talked to my mother, and she requested that I drive south from Salt Lake to Albuquerque, so that I get south of the big winter storms. She doesn’t want me to drive on Hwy. 70 through Denver. This detour through Albuquerque will add almost 400 extra miles to my trip, but it’ll be worth it.
I’m still looking through my stuff. Should I take my Tide? My mini-vacuum cleaner?
Friends are giving me a guilt-trip about leaving. My cat is giving me a guilt-trip, too. Every time I visit Fang over at Scott's house, he sits in my lap and cries. Hopefully, I’ll get a few hundred miles tomorrow; I’ll try to get as far as Cortez, Colorado. That city is about 350 miles from here, a straight-shoot south.
12/12/03 Friday, Price, Utah
I am half-way to Moab! After Moab, just another 100 miles to Cortez.
Leaving Salt Lake was easy. My landlord Bart showed up at my apartment. I gave him back the apartment keys. Bart made me promise to call him every day. “Call me until you hit Amarillo. That’s your half-way point. After that, you’re out of my territory.” Actually Oklahoma City is my half-way point, but I didn’t argue. I gave him a big hug goodbye, and promised to call him daily.
Scott was more difficult to deal with. I called him at 9:00 a.m., "I'm leaving."
"Oh."
I drove to his house. We went to the bagel shop next door and I ate a bagel with cream cheese, even though I knew it that would give me a stomachache.
Then I said goodbye. I hugged my cat Fang for the last time. Fang looked at me in that smart way, like he knew. Scott walked me out to my car. He kept trying to hug me, and then he snapped a horrible photo of me, with my hair pulled back, not fixed at all, and no make-up on my face. We hugged again and I was off.
Cortez, Colorado
There are certain things I should avoid in hotel rooms, like running around the room naked when the front curtains are open. It is cold as shit here. It must be less than 10 degrees. Why would anyone want to live in a cold and desolate place like Cortez, Colorado?
My head is spinning. I purposefully chose a Comfort Inn, because they have gyms. I think I’m going to work out in the gym, and then sit in the hot tub for awhile. I’m afraid I’m approaching this road trip with too many hangups, like, gotta hit the gym, etc. How can you have a true adventure if you’re worrying about so many things? Running on a treadmill isn’t too adventurous of an activity. Why am I worrying about my weight? I’ll be settled in Raleigh, soon enough. While I’m on the road, I should have fun.
***
I feel like a spoiled brat staying at a nice hotel instead of a hostel. Instead of being an open-minded traveler, I’m more like a picky American tourist who wants a hotel with all of the amenities: fitness room, hot tub, comfy room with cable.
I could either be a picky tourist who stays in nice hotels, carries an AAA card and cell phone, and eats dinner in a nice restaurant, or I could be a thrifty adventurer who stays in hostels or campgrounds or sleeps in her car, eats at the downtown bar, and tears up the town.
If it weren’t only 10 degrees outside, I’d go outside to run and explore the town.
12/20/03 Saturday, Raleigh, NC:
If I could be anywhere in the world, I’d be in San Francisco or Ireland. Or maybe the Swiss Alps. Sunny beaches and castles and ski resorts are always nice. In my fantasies, even a cold igloo in Alaska, a tiny yurt in the mountains, or a mud hut in Mexico would be decent. Any place would be better than Raleigh.
Raleigh appeared to be a great destination eight days ago, when I was in Salt Lake City, Utah, which is 2,450 miles away. Raleigh seemed to have several good features: it is a cosmopolitan area, the cost of living is pretty low, the economy is decent, it’s close to mountains and the ocean, and most of my family are only a day’s drive away. Plus, the temperature in Raleigh is pretty moderate.
Today I will decide if I’m going to stay.
My eight days on the road were fun. Nashville, TN was amazing. I met tons of people, partied, and two-stepped with a guy in a cowboy hat. I sat in the audience of CMT’s Most Wanted Live, in the front row. That show will be aired on television tonight.
I could have stayed in Nashville. I had fun in Nashville. Tthere were plenty of jobs in Nashville. All of my belongings are still in my car, and it doesn’t matter where I move. Still I drove to Raleigh.
Now, it is noon. I am sitting in a coffee shop in Raleigh. This morning I wandered around, trying to decide if this would be a good place to live. The whole time I was exploring, I was comparing the area to Nashville— would Raleigh or Nashville be a better place for me? The Glenwood south area of Raleigh seemed nice. The university area seemed nice, too. But the rest of Raleigh seemed like a big, fat, colorless suburb.
It's 20 degrees today. So much for the moderate temperatures! As I walked around in my winter coat and my sweat pants, exploring, I thought about fate, specifically,"being in the right place at the right time." Is it fate, chance, coincidence, or nothing at all when you run into a choice person, who just happens to tell you a piece of information you're missing? Or is it merely detective work, and you'll find what you're looking for eventually, regardless? Is it all chance? Odds? Rolling the dice?
As I walked, I could feel my energy pulling toward certain streets and away from others. Have you ever felt that? Have you ever felt like you were supposed to walk in a particular direction? Have you ever wondered if there was something more to that magnetic push‑pull you feel on these walks? Like a higher power might want you to walk in certain directions and go to certain places?
You can only profit from an opportunity if you hear about it. You have to be in the right place to hear about it. So, wouldn’t it make sense that some sort of fate, a force, or an unconscious psychic draw might pull you toward the places that will give you the best life opportunities? You must be in tune with that force.
Smart, driven, focused people in this country naturally flock to certain areas, and the rest go elsewhere. Raleigh is full of smart people from lots of different cultures. Nashville was full of white people wearing cowboy hats.
Nashville had several good points. It was an easy-to-navigate city, unlike Raleigh, where the traffic is horrible. Raleigh has scattered vibes. Nashville seemed more like a real city, with a real downtown. The Nashville area seemed quite welcoming to newcomers. In Nashville, you can meet famous country singers in the streets.
What is Nashville, outside of the glam? Are there neighborhoods? Hip areas? What is the rest of the town like? After two days in Nashville, I couldn’t answer that question. I only explored Music Row.
If I lived in Nashville, the fun would grow old after a few months. Extreme fun is like a drug, and after I adapted to the drug, I’d feel an emptiness, and I wouldn’t know how to satisfy it.
No matter where I live, I will eventually feel empty.
I’m almost out of money. Quickly, I have to go find a place to live, and a job, and maybe some friends, but— what if I’m too wild for this town? In this coffee shop, people are chatting quietly, and they are extremely buttoned-down. What do they do for fun? Fun doesn’t seem to be a priority, here. These people are very serious. Will I find a place to let go? Will I experience wild abandonment and craziness and a lack of worries like I did in Nashville?
In Raleigh, I don’t feel objectified, as a woman. People speak to me as if I’m a person of worth, and not just a “pretty lady.” People ask me what I do for a living. In both Nashville and Utah, I felt like just a “pretty lady.”
I want to find a wild bar, tonight. I want to see passion, energy, excitement, and people dancing on tables. Maybe there’s something in the Carolina air that makes people feel smarter. I couldn’t imagine anyone doing something silly in this town, like showing up at a bar in goofy vintage dress and cowboy boots. But perhaps I’m judging this area too quickly. You can’t know what a city is like, what all of its people are like, after one day of exploration.
Narrowing between these two cities is like dating two men. It’s hard to focus on just one until you choose just one. I’m looking for a more fulfilling life. I need more culture and fewer bars. I’m more likely to find fulfillment in Raleigh. I’d have more drinking buddies in Nashville, but I’d find real friends in Raleigh. No matter where I move, I’m going to miss out on something. Whenever you make choices in life, you cut out other possibilities. North Carolina seems like a hard place to start over. What do I do? Where do I stay?
I think I’ll stay in Raleigh. If I truly wanted to live in Nashville, I would have stayed there. I believe there’s a reason I left Nashville, even though I’m still not sure why.
Eventually the road trip has to end.
Two days later:
I’m staying in Raleigh. No Nashville. I am currently lying on the floor of my new room, buried in blankets because I don't yet have a bed.
Starting a new life is much less complicated than closing up an old life. It took me almost two weeks to pack up my old life, and stuff it into my car. It only took me only an hour to unpack my car, and move into this new room.
The human spirit is strong... strong enough to fight cancer, strong enough to live after a spouse dies, strong enough to move across oceans and countries. My particular feat, moving across the country with a AAA card, a cell phone, McDonald's and the Comfort Inn, was comparatively easy. However, leaving the people you care about is tough. Leaving is tough. Change is tough.
Traveling is a journey into the self. Through experiences you have, you will discover sides of yourself that were previously dormant. In Nashville, I discovered my wild and uninhibited side. In Cortez, Colo., I felt shy and uncomfortable. In Albuquerque, I felt mellow and peaceful. Once I got to Raleigh, I had to run by my wits to get myself situated. I never would have experienced all of this if I had stayed in Utah. When something is taken from you, other sides grow stronger. Adapting to Raleigh isn’t easy, but, I’ll manage.
It’s time for me to get the rest of my life in order. I am in a fairly comfortable living situation— I’m renting a room in a house. The other people who live here seem nice.
I’ve now been in North Carolina for four whole days! For some reason, time seems to be moving very quickly. Pretty soon, I’ll have a job, and life will become normal again, even monotonous. Then, I’ll get married and have 37 kids. Ha! Life isn’t, and then it is. Pretty magical! Yawn. [side note - the kids didn't happen! Nor did the marriage. But settled, yeah, pretty settled.]